|JOHN DIME'S OFFICIALLY OFFICIOUS WEBSITE!!!!||
Your rather clever digits have either purposely, or accidentally, stumbled upon the site for
Author/Performer/Humorist/Graphic Designer John Thomas Dimes. As you have no doubt surmised from his picture, he is a rather photogenic individual whilst posed at a certain angle.
AND whilst being perfectly still.
When he's in MOTION?
Well. . .the less said. . . !
Mr. Dimes has established a somewhat notorious reputation as a horror host. The character? Dr. W.E.B Sarcofiguy, host of the award-winning Spooky Movie Television.
Sarcofiguy has spanned 15 years of muddling his way through spoofs, knock-offs, and schticks, of the caliber of your average Borscht Belt comedian.
Dr. Sarcofiguy seemed to take on a life INDEPENDENT of Mr. Dimes when he crafted a book of literary criticism entitled: THERE ARE NO BAD MOVIES (ONLY BAD AUDIENCES). A book that, to everyone's surprise, received critical acclaim:
“. . .a frequently funny, wittily written diatribe against those who derive constant pleasure from verbal cinematic destruction.” –Venoms 5, Cool Ass Cinema.com
“There Are No Bad Movies (Only Bad Audiences) is a testament by a true fan of cinema, and I’d suggest a must-read for anyone who wants to actually become a Film Critic one day. Easy to read and full of cinematic insights as well as a new viewpoint as to how the average movie-goer “sees” movies from usually simplistic (and not so objective) viewpoints, with detailed points as to how most of us view cinema and the storylines, cast, etc. in very personal ways!” -Ken Knight “THE MIDNIGHT SHOW~Late Night Cable TV Guy-Flicks of the 80’s”
“The next time you go to a zombie movie or a sf film or something where teens get killed every ten minutes, and the guy in front of you groans that the effects suck, take this book and hit him over the head with it, to shut him up. Then give him the book to read so he’ll smarten up. “ – Victor Schwartzman, The Outsider Writer’s Review
“The Schizoid Ravings of a Mad Cinephile. . . .[Doctor Sarcofiguy] made me reevaluate how I view movies and my attitudes towards movies, which isn't an easy task to do. " B THROUGH Z.COM
“. . .Bask in John Dimes’ quick wit as he drops cinematic truths on you! Maybe we can all learn how to be better audiences.” - Paracinema Magazine
Dr. Sarcofiguy, unbeknownst to Mr. Dimes, also took time out to surreptiously record various and sundry dire melodies. Music which can be found on the collection entitled: DR. SARCOFIGUY- DEMO(NS): THE MANY MOODS OF DR. SARCOFIGUY:
"It's pretty groovy r'n'b, recalling the likes of Stevie Wonder or Barry White. If Barry White sang about vampires, that is." - Music For Maniacs
"A fun musical romp. Each song is a brilliantly colored segment of a musical kaleidoscope. " Anthena Schaffer, Music Artery
Sarcofiguy has even been in several documentaries which included: American Scary, Virginia Creepers, and EVERY OTHER DAY IS HALLOWEEN which stars his hero, one Count Gore Devol!
Enough about Sarcofiguy, and let us focus once more upon the achievements of John Dimes as an author.
His written works have appeared in various and sundry anthologies. And he's the author of several books which include: The White Corpse Hustle: A Guide For The Flegling Vampire, The Rites of Pretending Tribe, Coincidissidence, and Intracations.
About The White Corpse Hustle: A Guide For The Flegling Vampire:
"John Dimes has done for vampires, what Douglas Adams did for the galaxy, in 'The White Corpse Hustle'. It's the new bible for all future vampire movies. . ."
—Count Gore Devol, www.countgore.com
“. . .A fun little read reminiscent of Hitchhikers Guide. . . 4.5 out of 5 rating.”
“It’s a darn fun book. A Critics Pick.”
-Dave Nuttycombe, The Washington City Paper
“Impressive, with detailed artwork that flows well with the writing.”
—John Daniels Jr., ComicCritique.com
Mr. Dimes's illustrated works have appeared in various comic books for such publications as Bash Magazine, Two Fold Comics, Candy Or Medicine, Omega Comics Presents, and Gurlimann's Bizarre Bazaar where he received several charming reviews:
“John Dimes gets props for having a villain based on Charlie Chaplin. This story has some nice wispy art too.” -Ambush Bug, Ain’t It Cool News
“I like things weird. [Gurlimann] goes all-out in its weirdness.” “This is truly great black and white art.” -Geek Life.Com
"Dimes is a major talent. . . .3 Out of 4 Skulls.” - Fangoria
Check out and SUBSCRIBE to his on YOUTUBE CHANNEL for commercials n' stuff: